Hillbilly version: Sometimes the lesson you learn is not the lesson being taught. Don’t fish. Let me explain. Everybody has a fishing story. Another true story. With added digressions that have little to do with the point but add to the story like seasoning in cooking.

While Walmart shopping I met Mary. Yes I support the richest family in Arkansas. Walmart has Self checking. Want do it. Not only want self check. I’ll talk to the checker. Mary, everyone is Mary or Jane. Sorry Mary. Mary had a picture of a 58 pound Salmon. Mary misses Oregon. We were sharing a moment. Can you image. Moving to Arkansas to take a job as a checker in Mountain Home Walmart. Now that’s a career move. Another digression. Have you heard. Sam’s children are starting their own University. Really! They have an add for leadership position. A good Candidate should background in stem cell area. They want to graduate people in the area of Stem Cell. Course undergrads in the University of Walmart will have the basis to work as a checker (replaces history as a core curriculum) if the first career does not work. Then, immediately, they put in more self check. Not only do they undercut their checkers alternate careers but they want the customer to work for free.

As a protest, or because I’m a lazy fu*k, there is no way I’m working for free. If I self check do I get the employee discount? I used to work with the head of Walmart security. This is entrapment. You consider the five finger discount? We have it covered. They want you to work for free and if you make a mistake, they have you arrested. Not only will I not work, I will hold up your line by exchanging photos with the checkers. Those behind me are giving you that Get out of way look. I point to self check and tell them I think there is an opening over there.

Back to fishing. I went White River fishing with the L. brothers. In the ’70s fishing required huge amounts of alcohol. The details will be shared later but not today. We caught a lot of fish, consumed even more liquor and drank ourselves into a state of semiconscious. When I woke up the room had bright lights and someone was pounding on my head. So I closed my eyes and reached up. Didn’t know where I was but I was going to stop that pounding on my head.

There was a voice. A voice I had not heard in over five years. Joe, is that you? It wasn’t God or an Angel. It was Joe. I graduated with Joe. What the hell happened? You were in a wreck. Was anybody hurt? You are the worst. Okay…Next moment of awareness, this lady was sticking a needle in my ass. No pants, they took my pants. Females taking my pants, I didn’t mind.
But no pants meant I was naked…. Got out two days later with new pants. Directions were under no circumstances are you to get your head wet. ..Got it!

Did not go home but stopped at mom’s house on the way home. Moms were the primary caregivers in the ’70s. Told her, we have got to wash this hair. My hair was shoulder length. The part left was filthy. The top was gone. Mommas don’t necessarily approve but they help. .. Laid me out on the kitchen counter and cleaned me up.. After. And I saw it coming. Parents think they know the child better than anyone else. Parents have been there through it all. Let’s look at that in reverse. The kid have watched parents all their lives. They know too.

I Hope you learned something from this! Now this woman just provided a service which you did not get in two days in a medical facility. She is only concerned your well being. So with all the sincerely I could muster, looked her straight in the eyes and told her I did. Fishing is dangerous. I’m never going fishing again. Haven’t put a hook in the water since.

Joe from Texas comes to Mountain Home for fishing. Two, three times a year. Asked me if I wanted to go fishing. Always answer that question with this question. Check out the parameters, you know, before you commit. Can I talk while you fish? Then I would love to go. Joe from Kansas want let me talk. Kansas Joe say it scares the fish. Think about that. The fisher person is on top of the water or the bank of a river, lake or pond. And conversation will keep the fish from biting? Best I can figure. Joe from Kansas thinks those fins are ears. Joe fish don’t have ears!