Hillbilly wisdom: there is a reason for the season. At Fifty Six, like most small communities, we gathered for the annual Christmas tree lighting. Yes, we are in step with the white house as far as timing goes, perhaps not on the same scale but we had smores for the young- anyone under 90.

The local politicians were in full pomp and circumstance. Never let a gathering of over one not have a local politician shaking hands and telling you all the good reasons why you should vote and the best vote would naturally be for them. They do mean well. Most are overqualified. And we already know them. For example: The local judge used to be a prosecutor before she moved up to her present position. As such, most of our memories of her are not necessarily positive. Not that she is to blame for performing her duties, which she did quite well. But then any prosecutor would likely be successful where the defendant cannot afford legal representation. Bill decided that the best defense was to call James, his buddy, as a character witness.

James was to testify that Bill could not possibly have been as drunk as the test administered indicated. A mistake had obviously been made.

The cross examination went something like this. The prosecutor immediately challenged the ability of the witness to determine the level of intoxication. “Mr. James, why do you think Mr. Bill was not intoxicated?” He had not drunk that much was the answer. “Well, Mr. James, how much can you drink and still drive safely?” Without a pause and with conviction, James replied, “ Lady, I can drink a case of beer and a pint of whiskey and drive you anywhere you want to go.”

The prosecutor turned to the spectators and proclaimed, “May god help us.”

The verdict was guilty and the fine substantial.

When James left the witness stand, he sat down beside another local friend and was received with the comment, “You asshole.” As they were long time friends this was not exactly the expected greeting. James asked what was the problem?

His friend replied, “I’m up next.”

Yes, he was found guilty also.